Ok, so I haven’t done my thing on here for a while! I can’t even remember what I blabbed about in my last post. Did I mention we bought a house? Well WE BOUGHT A HOUSE. A true victim of the 1980s; Artex plaster, humongous fire places, even good ol’ Lambrini bottles under the floorboards. The works.
It took less than two months, and several near misses to A and E, for Alex’s itchy fingers to start work on our gaff. Simply knocking two tragic fireplaces out manifested itself into dilemma after dilemma. Here’s a list of what I’ve learnt throughout this long, arduous process:
1. Always have a real good thing before getting the lump hammer out.
2. It’s never just a ‘small job’.
3. There are always more jobs to come.
4. Five months into said ‘small job’, and our ‘snagging list’ is rather monstrous.
5. One daily trip is never EVER enough to B&Q.
6. It always involves at least two more.
7. If you forget the dreaded tile dividers on the third trip, give up and go tomorrow.
8. Always open and check everything purchased online. Don’t wait three months to open the box with the radiator in, only to find its bent to buggery.
9. Always keep receipts safe, or you’ll never be able to return the bent to buggery radiator, then will end up buying another, more swish one, because you’ve had more time to research.
10. Consider the job carefully before commencing, especially with a toddler in tow and both of you working full time.
11. You’ll always have to stop to change nappies or prize your favourite Mac lipstick from his chubby vice-like grip.
12. Before ripping the bathroom out, question whether you’d seriously be able to cope with balancing on an unfixed toilet, and then having no sink to wash your hands in afterwards for five months.
13. Is there actually any point in washing your hands when the whole house is covered in plaster dust from the unexpected rewire you had the fork £900 out for? That’s not including having to replace all the floors, because of the rewire…
14. Always have a decent sized shed that’s wifi ready before commencing any work; you never know how long you’ll have to live in there for.
15. Buy a radiator for the shed. Winters here are bloody cold!
16. Be patient with each other. It’s not always his fault that he’s been to B&Q with a list of six items and has come back with only three of them, because a) he didn’t check the stock online b) he’d forgotten he’d even made a list and c) once again he got distracted by another power tool.
17. Lastly, always attempt to finish the bathroom before you get up the duff again and spend a heck of a lot of the time fixed to that old, wobbly toilet.
Ah ok, now that Spring’s here it’s not so bad. We’re more than half way there. I can almost see the finish line!