The ‘soft touch’ 

Today has been the day it’s dawned on me that we’re in the midst of renovating a house, my son has definitely hit the “terrible twos”, and it’s just short of 12 weeks until we start the crazy parenting journey again. 

Up until now, apart from an uncooperative placenta, this pregnancy has been a breeze. In fact due to all the distractions I’ve had recently, it’s not really registered that I’m 28 weeks pregnant and that this enormous bump is an actual baby. I mean, we’ve only bought 6 baby grows and a disco light! 

Anyway, this week I’m on annual leave. Oh good, a chance to unwind, rest, and perhaps time to fit in some baby shopping…Yeh right! Theo’s had other ideas. Why are two year olds so unreasonable?  

Here’s a list of my thoughts on two year olds. Not all two year olds. My two year old.

– I bloody love him. And each time I go to work, despite telling myself “it’s so we can have a better life” and “he’ll be so proud of me working full time when he’s able to understand,” I still get a massive pang of ‘mum guilt’ as I creep out through the back door before he’s woken up. So inevitably, I think this is why Theo tends to ‘get away with murder’ when we’re together. 

– Why when I do my most serious “no” does he find it hilarious, and still continues to poke his willy when changing his nappy? 

– “Arse hole.” That’s my thought as soon as we’re in Lidl and he immediately stands in the seat of the trolley chucking items still yet to be paid for across the shop floor. Why have Lidl not clicked onto fixing seat belts to their trollies? Have they not caught on yet that their Penne pasta sales are dwindling due to unruly toddlers tossing bags down the aisles? 

– Why does he go so floppy when I’m trying to pick him up to get him into his car seat? I struggle to carry Theo at the best of times. He’s not fat at all, he’s just bloody solid. And that’s what makes it so difficult to man-handle him when he doesn’t want to do something I’d really like him to do. (Like get in the car seat so we can go to Lidl so I can be bullied, yet again, by my disobedient two year old.)

– I’ve spent hours cooking a hearty meal, thought of all the ways to disguise vegetables, to be told “yuck” as soon as he’s caught sight of it. I’ve learnt that it’s best to avoid anything green, and if he’s had pasta today and he’s enjoyed it, definitely don’t fall into the trap of making it tomorrow, because it’ll most definitely be “yuck”. But the shittest looking cheese slices, (discovered by Theo at a BBQ the other week. Thanks Sammi), are the food of Gods. FFS. 

These are just a few irritating things he’s done this week that have particularly gotten to me. But then I get so annoyed at him I end up laughing uncontrollably at him, and we roll around giggling together. And I guess that’s why I’m what you call a ‘soft touch’ when it comes to my Theosaurus Rex. 

I know I’m not the only one who’s experiencing their kid going through the ‘terrible twos’. I’ve heard Gin helps. I’ll be trying that method in October.